the imperfect ending

With an aching heart he left the shore, never to return, never to love again.. he had given life enough chances and it was time, he let himself drown, lose that last breath which he held in his lungs to pass on.
He floated further in the freezing water watching the full moon, shine over his paralyzed numb body which reminded him of the dreams where he held her hand laying on the fresh grass starring at the same moon laughing all night long, surrounded by the passion of love.
Maybe it was too good to be true; he thought to himself giving up all that he had in him.. hope, sensation, strength and desire.
The ocean welcomed him with open arms as if it has been waiting for this night since forever. Atleast it was getting what it wanted, cooling the blood inside; so the heart, beats no more, calls no more, misses no more, desires no more.
Only she could save him, but she was busy finding herself in the paper town.. and letting her world slip away. She didn’t belong there, she belonged with him where she could be loved, caressed, adored and cherished. But today wasn’t her day.. It was his! His liberation from the curse of life, it was time he moved on to a world without pain. A world so cold, where motion stops and time freezes.
As the last breath left his lungs and followed through his chest to his brain just to escape his lips. It took with it the words he never said, the feelings he never expressed, the passion he never showed, the touch he never made, the life he almost had.

In the silence of the winds and motion of the waves, he left to a pain free world.. for skies to echo what they heard last for centuries to come; his dying heartbeat!

Written By:
Bilal Tanveer Butt


Letters to the heart

Confusion, Rationale, Practicality and Freedom; four pillars of support or four faces of fear?

Fear to take the leap of faith, fear to hold the extended hand; is the hand too cold? Or soft? Or warm? Confusion prevails.

Fear the fingers won’t fit perfectly, do I have enough vigour to grip it tight? Too tight will hurt, I don’t want to get hurt. I have had enough, I am happy as I am. Rationale excuses.

Fear of going apart, fear of losing companionship. It’ll slow me down, I don’t need it. I am too young, no it’s not the right time. Practicality justifies.

Fear of not being good enough, fear of making the wrong choice. I belong to no one, I don’t want to suffocate, its me who can disappear, a choice I can make. Freedom craves.

My Diary

Dancing with the Devil – Part 1

He was spellbound by her dazzling smile, oblivious of the crowd he let himself float with waves of her aura.
He flew to the seven skies, there was none like her. He searched the seven kingdoms and there was none like her.
Her magical presence across the table was a fantasy, a sorcery, an imagination or reality? He kept figuring out until the first touch.

Yes, she was there, with a dream in her eyes. Dream to fly higher, eyeing fire in the sky; across all terrains, was her destination.

Yet, he put his heart into his palm and gave her a chance. She saw, she held and said it was too soon to be felt.
His dance with the devil had almost come to an end but he refused to quit, wanted to tap till the end.

He peeked into her soul and knew it’s not her anymore. Living by the edge was now her daily chore.

“Oh, its just a game, another day, another night.. don’t worry, just keep up the fight”; he was moving on leaving everything behind. It was time he let her go, it was time he let her shine.

Just as his mind juggled with poetry and symbolism, he knew not where he was headed this time. He was lost trying to maintain his ground, it slipped messing up his crown.

She left him there taking his inspiration; a broken heart and sketchy art, was now all he was left with in this part.

To be continued…

Written By:
Bilal Tanveer Butt

Dancing with the Devil – Part 2

Devil has a mistress; yes she is there.
He didn’t know that until she made it clear.

It wasn’t the end, it was a new start.
He was moving on and would evolve his beautiful art.

She’d always be there, as hope in his heart.
Will never disappear, even 7 seas apart.

It was different, it wasn’t that smart.
Slower and stronger, was it’s best part.

He refused to name it, decided to wait.
Let the film roll and define it’s state.

The wolf in him wasn’t to be starved.
Just prolong the hunt and savour the zart.

His lust for life was increasing everyday.
He would lure her too, with his riveting gaze.

Her green dress and scarlet lips.
He hadn’t had lost, all his chips.

The game of poker had not changed.
The queen was yet to be claimed.

All these times, he was lying.
He was the devil and she was divine.


Written By:
Bilal Tanveer Butt


Evening Sunshine

Yes, she’ll come around” he thought to himself.
Worrying about it, just won’t help.

“Give me some time, I need to know more” she excused her heart.
She knew deep down, it’s not just her love for his art.

Another day passed and all they took were baby steps towards the land where it will all start.

A new sun will rise, a new dawn when it ll change,
he will have her and she ll have his name.

Her glowing eyes and that perfect smile, her shimmering skin and a glass of wine.

He kept his cool while staring at his better half,
he knew.. she knew… but it was too soon to chalk.

They almost never took it serious, they thought they didn’t need one another,
but angels have their way, it was time to move further.

They connected, they smiled, they felt it everytime.
What more could he ask for, if she said “you are mine.”

With a bunch of flowers, he said goodbye.
Lilacs, Lillies, Daisies were his alibi.

He saw her leaving in the dark night, she turned back and it was a sign.
He waved and yet again.. ‘until next time’.

Written By:
Bilal Tanveer Butt

Rising Sunset

All he could hear was his heart pounding while she speared her way into his soul.
Mesmerized by her eyes, his conscious was fading while he tried to regain focus on the holy words taking form every time she moved those petal lips.
He felt lighter with every breath, her scent was working. ‘Pixie dust’ he felt, was all around them. He was in a never-ending time warp, which he feared would end. His greatest fantasy was right there and he kept staring helplessly, enchanted by her beauty, he was absorbing her light.
He could satisfy her thirst but she was scared, scared of losing him, scared of falling again, scared of taking the first flight with the rising sun. Gathering courage she opened up, crawling out of her cave she submitted herself a little more with every word. She wanted him to take charge, to tell her that she could trust him and he ll never let go.

She was worth a life, worth the effort, worth the time, worth giving his all. She wanted to hold his hand and test the waters, they could swim across the seas. They were meant to be.

Just one more step and he was there to hold her, he had dreamt that for years. He kept waiting on his flying carpet but it didn’t happen.. their angels decided otherwise.

And here he is dreaming about it again..
Some day…
One day..


Written By:
Bilal Tanveer Butt

My First

1, First, One… It’s not a number, a figure or a word; it’s an emotion. Have you ever thought why is it so special? The baby’s first step, his first word, her first day at school, his first soccer match, her first position in finals, his first crush, her first love, his first salary, her first breakup, his first car, their first vacation together, her first baby and his first scream.

It is because we pour our hearts in to it, give it our best and remember it forever. A lawyer’s first case is the most prepared for, an actor’s first performance is the most rehearsed, your first love is what you fought the hardest for but what happens when it goes wrong?

Does a lawyer quit his profession? Or a surgeon refuses to operate again? No, they never stop trying but sometimes they stop believing. The baby gets back up and learn to walk but this time refuses to leave his father’s finger. A broken heart yet falls in love again but is afraid to take the leap of faith and give it all. One learns to swim but never leaves the shore.

What hold you back is an emotion, emotion which gets engraved in your memory, seeps into your soul and becomes a part of your personality. Its strength cannot be undermined; its significance cannot be ignored but only understood, realized and embraced.

Luckily, emotions can be used either way, to strengthen ourselves or make us vulnerable. So let your ‘1’s, Firsts & Ones’ which went wrong blend with your faith and give you strength. A little twinge of belief will do wonders just as you take the leap of faith. Live in the moment and let the baby inside you leave the holding finger, let the swimmer dive deeper and lover sit on his knees to put his heart out.

Rest assured, beyond that is another “First” waiting for you.


Written By:
Bilal Tanveer Butt